Wednesday, September 07, 2005

ADWATCH - No 29

I see our old friend 'salon shampoo' is back. Not that it ever went away. It's been amusing me for years.
This time it's Messrs TRESemmé® who are running TV commercials for 'salon quality' shampoos.

Now your average hairdresser will use the cheapest shampoo they can get away with. It's called the profit motive. It's called capitalism.
In the town where I grew up there was a plain-fronted shop that could have been a sex shop or massage parlour. In fact, it supplied wholesale products to the hairdressing trade.
The 'Jean-Pierres' and 'Marcos' (aka 'Reg' and 'Trevor') would pull up outside and walk in carrying those plastic petrol containers you keep in the boot for emergencies and emerge with them filled with several litres of 'salon shampoo'. For all I know, the stuff was dispensed from pumps labelled 1-Star, 2-Star and 3-Star.
Call me cynical, but the possibility that the stuff was enriched with vitamins, extracts of hazelnut and sunflower, and prepared by white-coated coves in a Parisian laboratoire seems rather remote.
If you were Messrs TRESemmé or Garnier and credited women with an ounce of common sense, you would surely tell them that it was not 'salon shampoo' but something far superior.



Incidentally, my researches for yesterday's piece (we don't just dash these things off, you know. Sometimes we spend, ooh, all of 30 seconds on Google) revealed that Stelios has a brand called easy4men. I've known people for whom that was their middle name. I wondered if, given that Stelios's fellow airline owner, Richard Branson, owns Heaven nightclub, Stelios had also decided to diversify into some branch of the gay market. But it turned out that easy4men is a brand of male toiletries. In bright orange packaging, naturally. (Surely people would think you'd nicked them from one of his aircraft or cruise ships?).

Nothing gay about the big fellow's toiletries though. They are aimed at "the no-nonsense man" and satisfy "the basic male grooming needs of the man who is happy with who he is."
Now call me cynical yet again, but I would venture that the basic grooming ritual of the no-nonsense male is to pick the toast crumbs out of his pubes and throw some water over his face using his cupped hands. If he's on a promise he might also take what Australians call a 'British shower' - spray a load of deodorant into the air and then run through the ensuing mist wearing only your chuddies.

Would the 'no-nonsense man', even if he's a male scrubber, really use easy4men's 'exfoliating scrub bar'?
Would he really carry in his pocket a packet of very girlie 'deep cleaning wipes'?
And for those nights camped out at Luton Airport because your easyJet flight was cancelled, you can buy several of the products as a Travel Kit in a neat little black toiletry case.

'Oi, Stelios! Are you taking the fucking piss? Do I look like one of your fucking air stewards? You can stick your scrub bar up your easyHole. Dot Co Dot fucking UK.'

PLEASE NOTE: In view of comments received (assuming they are genuine), I am happy to make it clear that nothing in the above post should be construed as making any implications about the sexuality of Mr Stelios Haji-Ioannou.
This was a light-hearted piece based on the likely reaction of a certain type of homophobic male to the concept of male cosmetics. It does not contain any comment or speculation about Mr Haji-Ioannou's own sexuality and I was unaware that this had ever been the subject of speculation or "smears".
Despite not having made any comments about Mr Haji-Ioannou's sexuality, I wish to make it clear that anyone who inferred that I had done so (including Mr Haji-Ioannou) would be mistaken.

11 Comments:

At 1:25 PM, Blogger Urban Chick said...

cynic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[well, you did ask]

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger cello said...

I think I am a rational consumer, for whom all that brand nonsense is irrelevant. But I wouldn't touch an easy brand whatever the price.

Did you get the pics Willie?

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger Jonathan Blake said...

Liked the British Shower definition ­­­­­- the Spanish equivalent would involve liquid garlic (and total nudity)instead of deodorant. Is 'chuddies' the Australian for 'underpants'? Or something more interesting?

Jon

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger Willie Lupin said...

uc: I didn't ask people to vote on it! But point taken.

cello, no pics have passed this way as yet.

jonathan: 'chuddies' is an Indian term for underpants. It was popularised in Britain by a TV series called 'Goodness Gracious Me' in the catchphrase 'kiss my chuddies'. It's one of my favourite words. But yes, it does sound slightly Australian.

 
At 7:58 PM, Blogger Urban Chick said...

sorry, should have issued my heavy sarcasm warning ;)

i mean, what's not to love about stelios?? ok, so he's colour-blind...

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Wyndham said...

Willie, your blog really is a cut above. Heh.

 
At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Alan said...

People in high places are listening in, Willie. I noticed last night an ad for Pantene shampoo which seemed designed specifically to emphasise that their brand was better than salon brands.

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger Helzepops said...

Sounds like a whole load of Boswelox to me.

 
At 9:08 PM, Anonymous stelios said...

i would like to make crystal clear
i stelios haji-ioannou am definately not gay in any way at all
i have had many high profile relationships with real women
my legal policy
with regard to my legal policy. I am sure you will understand that i, stelios haji-ioannou cannot permit others to use my family name and the smear campaign i have had to endure without the certainty that i will sue the person or publication for libel due to rights in my character and family name being prejudiced. It follows that no use should be made of the stelios haji-ioannou name (or anything similar to it) and if any smear relating to gay or homosexual practices is made you will be punished to the full extent of the law. And in addition i will seek damages and compensation.

the though of being gay repulses me and has brought a great deal of shame and embarrisment to my family especially as it is not true.

stelios@easygroup.co.uk

 
At 4:04 PM, Anonymous stelios haji-ioannou said...

stelios said...
i would like to make crystal clear
i stelios haji-ioannou am definately not gay in any way at all
i have had many high profile relationships with real women
my legal policy
with regard to my legal policy. I am sure you will understand that i, stelios haji-ioannou cannot permit others to use my family name and the smear campaign i have had to endure without the certainty that i will sue the person or publication for libel due to rights in my character and family name being prejudiced. It follows that no use should be made of the stelios haji-ioannou name (or anything similar to it) and if any smear relating to gay or homosexual practices is made you will be punished to the full extent of the law. And in addition i will seek damages and compensation.

the though of being gay repulses me and has brought a great deal of shame and embarrisment to my family especially as it is not true.

stelios@easygroup.co.uk

 
At 3:31 AM, Anonymous nick said...

http://easy-centre.com

 

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