Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Don't Talk Back

The stunning photographs that help make this the most talked about blog in my household are taken with one of those new-fangled digital cameras. When I switch this camera off, the phrase 'See You!' flashes up on the LCD display. 'No you won't', I reply - unless Fuji are much cleverer than I thought.
This trend towards garrulous machines, determined to give their two penn'orth and have the last word, is beginning to piss me off. Machines should be seen and not heard. They're getting above themselves with this silly pretence that they're my friends. Someone told me that their microwave is not content to 'Ping' but also says 'Enjoy your meal!', even if he's only re-heating a mug of coffee. I commiserated with him. At this rate, the vaccum cleaner will soon be offering to give me a blow job. Then again...............

I couldn't bring myself to write about another four years of Dubya so I'll just put a link to Jaymaster whose piece expressed the horror very eloquently. Besides, he's kindly linked to me so, if blogging is intellectual masturbation, that makes us metaphorical wank buddies. (Well, my first post warned that this blog would be big on metaphor although its occasional vulgarity has shocked me).
But I heard a new Bush-ism that rivalled my previous favourite, "The French have no word for 'entrepreneur'". This was: "I have opinions of my own. Strong opinions. But I don't always agree with them." The problem with the latter is that the more you think about it, the more sense it makes in a perverse kind of way. I have this queasy feeling that I too hold opinions that I don't agree with and probably put some of them in this blog. It's a bit like the twisted logic of some Irish-isms, like the Irishman on a pheasant shoot who, when the dead bird fell to the ground said it was a waste of a shot because the fall would have killed it anyway.


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