Sunday, October 31, 2004

Enough to make you scream

When I was a child, Halloween was a largely uncelebrated feast. With my antithalian tendencies I would prefer it had stayed that way. That it has not is probably another consequence of the miasma of American culture that arrives here with the gulf stream.
In my corner shop this morning, the staff were dressed as witches. If somebody had spent Saturday night on the piss this could give them a nasty shock. I don't like to be unkind, but in the case of those two ladies the costumes added so little to verisimilitude as to have been a waste of money. But worse was to come. A sensor-activated dispenser announced in an American accent 'Trick or treat' and then invited me to take some 'candy'. This, in turn, activated a usually dormant Little Englander neurotransmitter in my brain and I muttered 'stick your candy up your arse, you loud-mouthed, McDonald's-munching, Iraqui-murdering bastard.'
Anti-American? Moi? I don't think so. Some of my best friends are.........well, no they're not, actually. But hey! as those folks say, Stephen Sondheim is a god, Michael Moore is a demigod, and the Dave Matthews Band rock. But would that most insular of nations like it if they schlepped from the trailer park to the drugstore on a Sunday morning to be assaulted by a tight-arsed English voice inviting them to some sweets or, God forbid, a cheese-eating surrender monkey saying 'voulez-vous des bon-bons?'
I think not.


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