Going for Gold........and Frankinsence and Myrrh
Perusing the Guardian job ads while some eggs were poaching, I was startled to find an ad for a Catholic Olympics Co-ordinator.
I knew that for many years there has been a Gay Olympics but I had no idea there was a Catholic Olympics.
I imagine that the first duty of the Co-ordinator would be to ensure that all athletes are over 16, the Catholic Church having paid out quite enough millions in compensation to abuse victims already.
Beyond that, consideration of the content of a Catholic Olympics conjures up a series of Pythonesque images:
the Stations of the Cross Sprint;
throwing the Biretta;
swirling the chasuble;
and the confession-hearing marathon.
Not to mention tossing the altar boy. But in a rare lapse in taste I've mentioned it. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.....
On closer examination - and rather disappointingly - the post is to support the London 2012 Olympics and "build a legacy of sport and faith".
One of the aims is 'evangelisation'. This surprised me for British Catholics are the least evangelical of Christians. Inevitably so, for apart from a few high-profile converts like Anne Widdecombe, it's difficult to be evangelical when you don't believe in most of the unique dogmas of your religion. And that's the case with the majority of Catholics in the developed world.
In any case, one wonders what kind of evangelisation would be appropriate at a secular event like the Olympics, attended by people of every faith and none?
But £35K a year isn't a bad salary to shlepp around the Olympics Village, saying 'Bless you', encouraging competitors to make the sign of the cross on camera and vandalising all the condom machines.
In case you're tempted, you should be aware that a 'GOR' applies to this post: the God-Botherer's Opt-Out Rule. Applicants must be Catholics.
(Actually, that's 'Genuine Occupational Requirement').
Not a problem for me: I was baptised a Catholic. And once a Catholic, always a Catholic, according to the church.
But whilst I could probably hum Faith Of Our Fathers to the interviewing panel, I'd have a bigger problem convincing them I was 'passionate about sport', which is another requirement. A passionate dislike of most sports is probably not what they mean.