Random Round Up

SHOCK HORROR in yesterday's Sun. Members of the Household Cavalry took part in a videod orgy with........a GIRL!
What is the world coming to?
Is there no respect for centuries of tradition?
All those former Tory MPs caught in the bushes of St James Park with one of those fine upstanding men must be crying into their pink gins.

[Well done, Willie. No beaver joke. The cognitive behavioural therapy must be working. - Ed.]

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Nauseatingly wheedling speech from Blair on Sunday, sounding like a public schoolboy pleading with the Headmaster to be allowed to stay on as Head Boy despite his record of dishonesty and his unseemly brawls with Brown the Captain of rugby who most of the school would prefer.
His own chosen analogy was to compare his relationship with the electorate to a marriage. How bizarre was that?

But would you stay with a partner who insisted that the nasty man with the moustache who lived next door had poisons in his garden shed (someone in the newsagent told him) and went round and firebombed his house, killing and maiming his children? And then said, when the shed was found to contain just a few packets of weedkiller, that wasn't why he did it anyway; it was because he was a nasty bloke who refused to show him his new hovermower and the neighbourhood will be better off without him?

I'll admit that, way back when he was in opposition, I was taken in by some of Blair's conference speeches. But once he was in Government I noticed the disparity between what he said and what he did. I also realised that, although his speeches were quite effective at a rhetorical and emotional level, if you analysed all those verbless sentences thay were total gibberish. But I never thought I'd end up hating him more than I did Thatcher.

Bastard.

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I have some sympathy with Ken Livingstone because the point he was clumsily trying to make was the old one about Nazi officers saying they were just doing their job and obeying orders. But I'd have a lot more sympathy if he hadn't himself worked for the Evening Standard as a restaurant critic while he was an MP.
Of course, even the saintly and principled Tony Benn sold his memoirs to the Daily Mail and then, Pontius Pilate-like, said he left all that kind of thing to his agent.

Bastards.

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Many of the public have already seen through Howard's health screening tests for immigrants, judging by the viewers' questions he faced on TV yesterday.

There may indeed be a public health case for testing people for TB and HIV but it won't apply to refugees, tourists, British ex-pats returning home, or returning British holidaymakers - including young people returning from a two week shagathon in Ibiza.

No wonder that, on a live broadcast from his kitchen in Kent, Howard had the uncomfortable look of a man thawing a packet of frozen peas between his legs.

Bastard.

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AOL gave me a nasty shock yesterday. In the top right of their home page was a picture of Leslie Grantham with the caption 'Find videoclips of Eastenders'.

Well, I suppose that webcam footage from Leslie's dressing room was bound to surface sooner or later. Hope he didn't, from force of habit, use a clapperboard when he did his online show. He could have done himself a nasty injury.

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Apparently a massive asteroid is heading towards Earth. It's due to arrive on 13th April 2029 with potentially devestating results.

Except that, after several anxious click-throughs on the AOL News pages I discovered that it would miss us by a mere 22,000 miles. I just hope their maths is better than mine and that they're not the same scientists who said Saddam had long-range missiles.