Monday, October 24, 2005

Monday Morning Goods

I was startled to hear my local supermarket manager ask one of the checkout girls to 'see if Craig has morning wood.' It seemed an improper request to make of a young girl and I nearly offered to go and ascertain this information myself.
Fortunately, I had misheard.
The instruction was to ' see if Craig has morning goods'.

'Morning Goods' is the term that supermarkets use for bread and rolls and such like. I always find it an odd phrase. I can't see that either the purchase or consumption of these products is linked to a particular time of day.
I'm quite partial to a roll in the early evening and you never know at what time of day or night a sudden craving for toast and Marmite will strike. Similarly, there are people who never check their watches if given the opportunity to munch on a muffin.

And there's another thing: when did the traditional English muffin suddenly transform itself into an over-sized fairy cake? Didn't muffins belong to the same species as crumpets? You held them on a toasting fork over an open fire and then covered them with butter.....'I say, these are damned fine muffins, Cameron, the finest I've ever eaten at Eton. Send your fag out for some more and if the little oik's not back before Evensong we'll give him a sound thrashing.'

The Co-op, purveyors of Morning Goods to Lupin Towers, also operate a funeral service. So this must make them the only company in Britain to sell both Morning Goods and Mourning Goods.

6 Comments:

At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr Lupin, you are hereby awarded the "Round the Horne" commemorative plaque for puns and double entendres.

Groan.

- Tony -

 
At 7:37 AM, Blogger Pashmina said...

Back when I were a nipper, I tried out a recipe for "English muffins", thinking I was getting the flat-topped, floury, toasting sort. You can imagine my disappointment when they turned out to be the American kind. That was my first encounter with the fairy cake-style version; I think we can probably blame Starbucks for their ubiquity these days.

All this talk of muffins... must go and find some morning goods of my own.

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger JayMaster said...

Willie, I am afraid that I must disagree. 'Morning Goods' is an exciting phrase. For me, it summons up images of croissants, pain au chocolate, muffins (English and American), hot fresh rolls, rounds and rounds of toast, even little pastries. I vividly remember waking early one Saturday morning and walking straight to Fenwicks to visit their 'Morning Goods' section. We had friends staying, form the sprawling metropolis of London and it was important that they knew we did things with style in Newcastle.

So apart from the usual cereal, juice, coffee, eggs, bacon etc, I provided a hoist of Morning Goods – including a selection of cassis flavoured dessert/treat/pastries. A triumph!

I agree that many of these things can be eaten at any time of the day, but I love the (mock) historical fantasies they evoke of servants bringing the breakfast platters through and feasting on such delights.

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger Willie Lupin said...

Tony, I shall treasure that award.
If puns and doubles entendres were good enough for Shakespeare, they're good enough for me.
And the elder Pooter was quite partial to a pun, some of them worse than mine.

pashmina, out of deference to my American readers I omitted to say that they are responsible for thrusting these bogus muffins down our throats. As though neo-Conservatism weren't bad enough.

jay, 'morning wood' is also an exciting phrase, especially if you don't have to go to work.
But thank you for reminding me of Fenwicks in Newcastle. I was once a regular there for morning coffee and I also always took my visitors there. I once forced my mother to move because we weren't at my 'usual table'. "How typical" she said.

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger JayMaster said...

Thanks for not drawing attention to my appalling spellngi. Jay x

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger Skuds said...

Trivia time... according to the Flour Advisory Bureau (yes it does exist)

"Morning goods are so called because whilst bread was traditionally baked in a hot oven during the night, morning goods were baked after bread in the morning when the oven was cooling."

But it now seems to mean stuff you eat in the morning. Be careful with the term though because it seems to have a meaning in gay subculture too, although I'm not sure exactly what.

The queerty.com site uses it as the name for a series of photos of young men showing off their waxed chests.

 

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