Those of you in Britain may have already read the story of Barney the Parrot. But in these depressing days it deserves the widest circulation.
Barney belonged to a man with a dislike of authority. When his owner emigrated, Barney was given to an animal sanctuary. All was well until a party of local dignitaries came to tour the sanctuary. Barney told the Mayor to "Fuck off", then turned to a woman vicar and said "You can fuck off too." Two policemen were also told "And you can fuck off, you wankers."
Poor Barney has now been put in solitary confinement in a special cage and is forced to listen to Radio 4 all day in an attempt to clean up his language. The good news is that so far it isn't working.
A swearing parrot is not exactly an original story, but on a day when I was still having problems with my teeth and had broken my glasses, the story of Barney cheered me up no end.