Sunday, February 27, 2005

Sunday Shorts

Apparently the mistreatment of Iraqui prisoners by British troops was down to a lack of training. It's an odd notion that you need training to stop you forcing people to simulate sex acts. But it fits with the current orthodoxy that training is the answer to everything.
When I was reluctant to employ people who had difficulty spelling or writing their own name, I was told by Personnel Officers - sorry, Human Resources Arseholes - that (a) I was being 'elitist' and (b) as a Line Manager it was my responsibility to train people.
I sometimes wondered why we bothered with a selection process at all and didn't just drag people in off the street at random and train them.
It would certainly be one way to solve shortages in the NHS. A couple of short training courses (not forgetting an Awayday Team Building Exercise) and we'd have all the brain surgeons and cancer specialists we could possibly need.


Austria has gone on to my list of better countries to live than Britain. I learned this week that the film The Sound of Music is never shown there and is virtually unknown.

If you missed Channel Four's The New Ten Commandments it was only worth watching for a story from the doctor and comedian Phil Hammond. He'd been on a course that extolled the medicinal properties of laughter so he prescribed a patient 'fun three times a day'.
The man's symptoms soon disappeared. However, soon afterwards the man was convicted for exposing himself to a Lollipop Lady [school crossing lady].

These are entertaining days for republican atheists. The Charles/Camilla nuptials have descended into farce and the Church of England clerics are fighting like ferrets in a sack over gay priests.
One clergyman is intending to exercise his right to attend the Royal Wedding at Windsor Guildhall and to shout his objections at the appropriate point in the ceremony. This brings the Royal Family the closest they've ever been to soap opera since soap weddings almost never go according to plan. Unfortunately, I don't think there will be TV cameras there to record that moment when the Registrar asks if anyone knows of an impediment.
190 degree pan round congregation.
Close-up on nervous bridegroom.
Door crashes open.
Crazy clergyman stands in aisle quoting 1949 Civil Marriages Act
Doesn't have quite the universal appeal of "He's already married to me!" or "I'm having his baby!" but it would still be a ratings winner.

Gerard Kearns who plays Ian in Shameless did a web chat on Tuesday night and used the expression "as mad as cheese". This was new to me. March hares and hatters, yes. I've also heard "mad as a goat". Shakespeare has "mad as Ajax" (Love's Labour's Lost).
But can a non-cognitive dairy product display signs of madness?
It's true that some cheeses can manifest maturity. Ergo, they must be capable of immaturity. But can they be totally off the wall, eye-swivellingly bonkers?
I'll go and ask the Stilton if it's ever been in therapy.

Disappointing Corrections: No 36 in an occasional series

From The Guardian: "Rufus Wainwright, page 17 Friday Review, has recorded a setting of Agnus Dei rather than Angus Dei."
The choir would have looked so good in kilts and sporrans.


At 3:05 PM, Blogger Francis S. said...

No doubt someone was worried an irate reader would write in to complain that Wainright had failed to perform from the "Missa Hilarious," as had been stated.

At 9:30 AM, Blogger JayMaster said...

Love the shorts - they would have benefited form a tight butt in them though!

At 10:36 AM, Blogger Willie Lupin said...

Francis, thanks for that link. I must pass it on to a relative who sings in choirs.

Jaymaster, they aren't my shorts. Stole the image off the web. Chose them because they were blue like my blog colour. How gay is that?!
If I'd used a pic of my butt I might have lost what few readers I have.

At 1:42 PM, Blogger peter said...

Hmmm. So "butt" is ok, but not "ass". (I admire your stance, btw, willie.)

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Willie Lupin said...

Peter, I was being characteristically polite to a commenter.
But there is a mis-match between the American spelling 'ass' and the British pronunciation 'arse', not to mention confusion with the donkey-like animal. (My Granny used to say 'B.T.M.' because 'bottom' was too rude).

On the other matter, thanks. There is more than appeared publicly here but which I could only tell you over a pint in the Port, but that's most unlikely to happen.

At 1:51 AM, Blogger sandi said...

Willie, I found a representation of "Mad Cheese" here:

but i'm not so sure that it is the final word on the subject...

At 4:15 PM, Blogger Willie Lupin said...

Sandi, thanks for that intriquing link. I'm none the wiser although it's interesting that the website, like Gerard Kearns, is from the Manchester area. Maybe it's a local expression.

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