Cops In Love & Well-Hung Blogs

As a postscript to yesterday's piece about The Bill's first gay wedding, I bring you these FAB pics of Mark and Lance, thieved from the ITV website. Mark (left) is in the Tactical Firearms Squad so that really is a gun in his pocket. Love those pink jackets. Is pink the new black? Or is black the new pink - Mark clearly thinks so.


I generally avoid the ITV website though. You get more pop ups than a faulty toaster. I had to negotiate so many of the bloody things to get these pictures that I almost forgot why I'd gone there. But I'm sure you'll agree the boys were worth it.

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I decided the rendering on my chimney was looking a bit dodgy. So this morning I took my binoculars into the garden to try and get a closer look. I couldn't climb up there because I suffer from vertigo.
Unfortunately, while I was studying the brickwork through the binoculars I noticed in my peripheral vision one of the neighbours at her bedroom window.
So if I don't post anything for a few days there are two possibilities:

1. I have been arrested for Peeping Tommery and am adorning the front page of the local rag (PERVERT CLAIMS HE WAS CHECKING CHIMNEY).

2. In this weekend's storms, the chimney crashed through the bedroom ceiling and my brains were spattered over my kingsize burgundy and cream duvet (Argos, £25.99).

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One of the interesting things about having one of those free visitor tracking services on your blog is seeing what Google searches people came to you from. It can be rather unsettling.
I once quoted an X Factor contestant using the term 'well-hung'. So I'm now nestling, embarrassed and uncomfortable, amongst some very dubious websites under that search term. To the person who arrived here after typing in 'well-hung', I can only say I'm very, very sorry that you didn't find what you were looking for. I must point out, however, that the search term you employed did have 100% relevance to the blog's author even if the content of the blog didn't live up to its ranking. (No, I said RANKING).

I also popped up like a cuckoo in the nest for someone looking for 'James Henry', fellow blogger and much sought after television scriptwriter, if that doesn't make him sound like a semi-detached in Barnes. It was a post where I'd praised his blog so that particular visitor would have clicked the link and fucked straight off there. Life's a bitch like that.

I also feature in searches for 'Dennis Neilson' (not the correct spelling of his name but a common one). Several people have arrived here to see what I said about the mass killer. Perhaps it was the same person. Perhaps it was.........no, no, it couldn't be. Could it? Jesus Christ. Do they have internet access in maximum security prisons?
Excuse me, I need a brandy.