ADWATCH: Ads That Chafe The Sensibilities
There's been a recent increase in TV commercials relating to bodily functions.
I accept that I may be more sensitive about this than the average person but, like many people, I am often eating when watching television and do not wish to be confronted with constipation, trapped wind, thrush, periods or any similar topics at that time.
I recently saw a new commercial for an anti-chafing cream. The possible causes and locations of said chafing were not specified but it featured a rather large lady jumping for joy that she chafed no more.
I rather uncharitably reflected that if she went a bit easier on the chips and doughnuts her legs wouldn't rub together when she walked and the anti-chafing cream would be surplus to requirements.
But chafing is a mild irritation compared to some other commercials currently being shown.
Last night I was subjected to a commercial for a 'stool softening' preparation.
A woman was discussing the hardness of her stool with a friend in a restaurant. My first thought was that if the furniture was so uncomfortable they should move to a more expensive restaurant.
But no. She was telling her friend about the unpleasantness of her recent visit to the Ladies. It's amazing that such a woman would have any friends. Not so much Ladies Who Lunch as Ladies Who Hunch and then discuss the results over the starters.
This was immediately followed by a rather coy commercial about erectile dysfunction.
This featured a middle-aged man kissing a woman in a kitchen. My first reaction was that at his age he should be cultivating begonias and leaving his wife to concentrate on making a Victoria sponge. But then I realised he was about the same age as myself and that I too would probably be up for it in the unlikely event that there was someone in my kitchen eager to fill the time while waiting for the spin cycle to finish.
This particular gentleman was on the portly side so probably wouldn't be able to see his erection if he had one but I suppose, to paraphrase the old saying, you don't have to look at the poker when you're poking the fire.
It's my considered opinion that the stool lady who can't get it out and the Kitchen Lothario who can't get it up should go the fucking doctor or the pharmacy and not bring their problems into my living room.
She's hard in the wrong places and he's soft in the wrong places. Meanwhile, I'm becoming increasingly nauseous.
But if I'm put off my dinner again I'll lose so much weight that at least I won't need the anti-chafing cream.