Monday, November 07, 2005

The Krankies In TV Comeback

Yes, I was surprised too.
But it turned out to be Charles Clarke and Hazel Blears. They came out of the Home Office this morning to speak to the press about the Terrorism Bill.

Charles Clarke is very large. The top of his head was touching the top of the TV screen.
New Labour animatron Hazel Blears is exceedingly small. Proof that microchips and circuitry have got smaller, she's a pocket-size avatar.
But this meant that television viewers could see only the top of her head poking above the News 24 caption block at the bottom of the screen.

Having rejected the Krankies theory, I decided that Charles Clarke had taken his young daughter to work because he couldn't get a babysitter.
Then the people at News 24, realising how ludicrous this looked, shrank the caption at the foot of the screen to half its size. Now we could just about see Hazel Blear's head, making those odd bird-like darting movements as though she were about to pluck a worm from the lawn.
She didn't say anything, probably because it was such a rapidly developing situation that there wasn't time to re-program her sound files.

Afterwards they turned and walked slowly back into the Home Office, Charles Clarke from the rear looking like a disgruntled bear that needed a shit but couldn't find the woods.
One half expected him to hold little Hazel by the hand and for her to ask him for an ice cream.
The whole thing looked so bizarre that I haven't a clue what Clarke said. I think I'll have to start getting my 'breaking news' from the radio.


At 1:29 PM, Blogger JonnyB said...

"Charles Clarke from the rear looking like a disgruntled bear that needed a shit but couldn't find the woods."


At 4:59 PM, Blogger cello said...

Being able to get your head into the same frame as the leading lady is a sure passport to a Hollywood career. Otherwise why would Tom Cruise and Michael Douglas have made it?

Mr C and I were once interviewed on a TV programme together (nothing flash) and I was made to stand on a box so that our heads would both fit into the same shot. As well as the pagers, they need to start providing New Labour boxes as standard kit.

At 5:31 PM, Blogger Willie Lupin said...

jonny: Thank you. Occasionally all those childhood years reading Wodehouse seem to have had some benefit. Not that he'd have ever used the S word.

cello: it makes you wonder what happened to Labour's media management skills.
I believe some diminutive Hollywood actors are always shot from a low angle to make them look taller.

My own TV interviews (again, nothing flash) were some of the most hilarious experiences I ever had. In one, for Bravo channel (really!) I and the interviewer and cameraman became so hysterical it took hours to do three minutes of film.

Btw, thanks for the name of that comedian you gave me over at Wyndham's gaff. I'm getting very bad at names, Viola.

At 6:09 PM, Blogger cello said...

I'd be quite happy to answer to Viola. She's my fave Shakespearian heroine and also Mr C's instrument of choice. No euphemism intended there. I also like the flowers.


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