Election Blog (17)

HOW TO VOTE LIBERAL DEMOCRAT

Ignore the risk that, in trying to reduce Blair's majority, you let in the Conservative candidate or even (less likely) a Conservative Government. Have you never taken risks in your life? What kind of wimp are you?

When Charles Kennedy is campaigning he often looks as though he'd rather be with his new baby or relaxing with a drink and a cigarette. This is definitely a Good Thing.

Remember that the only act of violence perpetrated by a Liberal in modern times was when Jeremy Thorpe (allegedly) got someone to shoot the dog of his lover Norman Scott. Distressing for dog lovers but not to be compared with 100,000 Iraqi dead.

Try to forget that some older Lib Dems like Shirley Williams were the people who split the Labour Party and helped to keep Thatcher in power.

Banish from your mind thoughts of Lembit Opik and his obsession with the threat from asteroids. The Liberals were pioneers of care in the community.

Wipe from your memory the Lib Dems' shameful record of dirty tricks in street-level electioneering.

Ignore the fact that the party is like the Catholic Church: a high percentage of party members don't agree with many of its policies. That's why Catholics like Charles Kennedy and Shirley Williams are so at home there.

Indulge, just for polling day, the fantasy that they are a left of centre party. They're left of Labour on some issues but hey, how difficult is that? They're also desperately chasing Tory voters so have one one foot centre left and the other centre right, like a game of political Twister. But if you object to twisters you won't vote at all.

Have a chuckle over their conference voting to allow 16 year olds to buy pornographic magazines, having forgotten that there's this new internet thingy that can pump porn straight into teenagers' bedrooms and has put many of said magazines out of business.

Rejoice that, unlike Labour, they allow their Conference to vote for radical and liberal policies.

Forget that the leadership shred all radical and liberal Conference policies and never put them in their manifesto.

If there's a Lib Dem policy to which you have a passionate, principled objection, don't worry. They're not going to be the next Government.

**********

Interesting Observer article on Blair by the Editor of the New Yorker, David Remnick.

In the course of his research he was allowed unprecedented access to Little Ant and Little Dec who were in Downing Street to interview Blair. He reveals that one of the ten year olds rejoices in the real name of Dylan McKenna-Redshaw, a name that is more Jesmond than Byker (Geordie readers will know what I'm saying). It's fascinating to read of the Prime Minister being ordered around by the show's producer like an extra and made to do several re-takes.

Like many American journalists covering the election, the author is amazed at the lack of respect we show to our political leaders and the way many members of the public in studio discussions address Blair as 'Tony'.

But this is a complete reversal of what one would expect. After all, it's America that is the young country, the republic, the land of informality and classlessness. Yet not long ago, a journalist at a press conference addressed Bush as 'Sir' instead of 'Mr President' and Bush exploded with rage. (Admittedly, that may tell you more about Bush than America).

But whilst Americans have dispensed with traditional British deference and formality and first-name terms are usually the only terms of discourse from the moment of meeting, they are very obsessed with 'respect'. The word 'respect' is used where we would normally use 'like'. Years ago I was discussing Margaret Thatcher with an American. He said 'Do you respect that person?' The question had no meaning for me. Did I like her? Did I agree with her? - those were questions I could answer but respect didn't come into it.

And of course in Britain the phrase 'With the greatest respect....' as a prefix to disagreement means 'you're talking absolute bollocks, you tiresome little prat.'

There's a nice story from Peter Kilfoyle who once took Blair to a football match. Unsure of the appropriate dress code, Blair turned up in a dark suit and a polo-neck sweater. When Kilfoyle protested that he looked ridiculous, Blair rang Peter Mandelson to ask his advice. Well who else would you ring to ask what to wear to a football match?

The article contains a few errors. The joke about the answering machine message that said 'please speak after the high moral tone' related to Paddy Ashdown not Tony Blair. And it was a nurse not a journalist who asked Blair if he would wipe someone's backside for the minimum wage. But a foreigner can be forgiven for those. After all, many of us are still unsure what a pretzel is although we know that George Bush nearly choked to death on one so they must be a good thing.