Election Blog (4)
It appears that Tony Blair is a serial bigamist. Not long ago he said his relationship with the public was like a marriage. In an election broadcast tonight (which I'll watch if I can find the sick bucket) he says his relationship with Gordon Brown is like a marriage. Meanwhile, he's already married to Cherie and also has a close same-sex relationship with an American called George.
No wonder he's looking so ill and exhausted. To make matters worse, Gordon hates his guts, George treats him like an Imperial Emperor's catamite and the British public are going through the drawers looking for the pre-nuptial agreement.
Last week Gordon Brown and John Prescott went campaigning in a branch of Argos.
This can only mean that Labour are chasing the Chav Vote.
John Prescott is of course pure chav already although the thought of him in trackies or a shell suit is not a pleasing image.
Turning the Fettes schoolboy Blair into a chav would be more challenging although I wouldn't bet against him trying. After all, he goes straight into Estuary English as soon as his arse makes contact with a daytime TV sofa.
However, you don't have to scratch the surface of Cherie very hard to find classic chavette. Or, as she's a Scouser, scally or scally-ette, if such a term exists.
So expect to see large hoop ear rings, her hair pulled back from her face and, dropped into election conversations, "Do I look like I'm bothered?" and "Are you disrespecting my family?". It should all be second nature because she must have spent a lot of her youth hanging around outside the chip shop, if only because her mother used to work in one.
There's a website and campaign called 'Backing Blair'. It's actually an anti-Blair campaign. Confused?
They say the name is 'satire'. No, it's not. It's bloody stupid. Not many people are going to look beyond a slogan. You won't find Sainsbury's using the slogan 'Boycott Sainsbury's' in the name of satire or irony.
It's one of many websites that try to provide a guide to tactical voting. My own constituency is described as a safe Labour seat. They suggest voting Conservative although it won't make any difference at all. Complete nonsense. My constituency was a Tory seat for a long period before 1997. And although the Labour majority isn't exactly wafer-thin, it's far from invulnerable to either a large Tory swing or a Liberal Democrat surge. Indeed, another tactical voting site, strategicvoter.org.uk, predicts on the basis of current polls a dead heat here between Labour and Tories.
Tactical voting is a dangerous game, especially when based on dubious psephology.