Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Hoist With My Own Belt Loop

I was going to write 600 words on the European Constitution today. But I became secured to the bedroom door handle by the belt-holding loop on the back of my trousers.
OK, I know it's not much of an excuse but it's perfectly true.

I wasn't trapped there terribly long and the fire brigade didn't have to be called. Indeed,they could not have been called because the phone was out of reach.
But I was anchored to the door handle long enough to wonder if the Coroner would write 'death by starvation while tethered to door handle. Foul play not suspected.'
Or would that be too wordy? Would he just record 'Misadventure'?
That would surely be a colossal understatement in the circumstances and imply that it was an 'adventure' that went tragically wrong.
And then people would think that it was an experiment in auto-eroticism, like that Tory MP who was found hanging with an orange in his mouth and dressed in women's tights:
'TRAGIC LOCAL MAN'S KNOB SEX SHOCK DEATH - full story, page 3.'

A friend used to castigate me for not wearing a belt. I think this was based on some arcane fashion convention. But wearing a belt might reduce the chances of further potentially fatal entanglements with ironmongery and I shall now do so assiduously on health and safety grounds.
When the post-traumatic stress wears off, normal service will be resumed.

3 Comments:

At 8:48 AM, Blogger madame mara said...

LOL - that's the first thing to make me smile today.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Willie Lupin said...

Hope it's not the last.

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger Clare said...

"wearing a belt might reduce the chances of further potentially fatal entanglements with ironmongery"

Oooh, you can be very funny when you're not ranting about sexuality politics, can't you? ;o)

 

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